Sometimes being strong is one of the hardest things to accomplish. But when you don’t really have another option you have to learn how to do it as second nature.

Growing up I had to be strong and not show my weaknesses to anyone because of Monster. He would make it so hard to just go day to day. I had a simple routine down pat by the time I was 13. Wake up, do chores, go to marching band/ school, then to work when I came of age, go home, do chores again, eat dinner, shower, homework, and sleep. That was everyday.

It made my life easier to deal with considering Monster kept us on our toes and made life difficult and wouldn’t let us do much.

A lot of the time when I was home I just hid in my room or went on walks outside. Pretty much anything to stay away from him. In all honesty, when I was a teenager I lost the ability to cry or really feel any emotion. Which isn’t normal for a hormonal teenager. I literally felt nothing. I lost some pretty important people during this time and I felt nothing towards it.

Now, I feel everything almost too much. But I have been on medications for anxiety, depression, and hypothyroidism for many years now and that has really helped me a lot. But I know that medication isn’t for everyone.

Over the years I have learned that being strong isn’t always about holding everything in and dealing with it yourself. It can also be asking for help and getting help for whatever you need to get help for. For me it is not feeling like I have to do everything myself. I can ask for help with cooking, dishes, laundry, cleaning, and the kids. I am still a strong person even when asking for help.

Weakness to me is letting others dictate and control my thoughts or actions. I have learned that what people think about me is irrelevant. What my spouse, children, immediate family, and I think of myself are the important ones. But strangers who don’t pay my bills, take care of my children, or take care of my house or myself, then they don’t have any say in who or how I am.

I work my butt off every single day to be the best person I can be. And that is all I can expect of myself. I can’t expect myself to be perfect in any way because I am human and I can and will make mistakes.

As long as my family is taken care of and has everything it needs then I am happy.

Just remember, you are stronger than you think and kinder than you let on. It’s okay to be weak because that makes you stronger. Weakness is not a bad thing and strength isn’t all about not showing emotion or hiding your feelings. Being strong can be crying when you lose someone or something you hold close, and weakness can be letting something or someone go because it is what is best for them. Even if it is hard for you.